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12/10/2007

Become A Saint In seven Steps, The DO It Yourself Program

Dear searcher. The master has an offer to make to every person who crave for holyness, an offer will change their lives. Become a saint in seven steps. - Seven and for everyone!

1. In the first step the searcher brushes his teeth each morning, with the holy mouthwash of the master. Blessed and filled up of his illuminated hands, at the unbeatable price of 9,99 $ per 0,2 cl bottle. Only after few weeks cleaning procedure the searcher is ready for the second stage, the power of the word.

2. The holy word of the seven giant masters from the past 7 ages, such a long time ago that even Krishna or Buddha weren't born. The giant masters spoke the word only once in their life, when they died. Our master found the word again: “Hatschniputschlijajaja.” The word possesses magic power and can only be used by the holy candidate of the stage 2. In addition however a licensing of the word is necessary. The master will ritually activate the word for only 999,99 $.

3. The next stage is approached by the the future holy one through wearing the holy underwear of the old masters. A holy underwear lends healing powers and can be acquired from the master for 9.999, 99$. The fourth stage is accomplished, if seven underwears were laid on. And seven ill people were healed.

4. The overcoming of time and space is the power the searcher gains on the fourth stage by the acquisition of the levitation-lotion. If the ointment is carried on the skin, the searcher is able to float while sleeping, absence of each electricity or cameras. The ointment can be acquired for 19.999, 99 € from the master. The searcher stays overnight with the master, who will examine him in the state of sleep. He will issue a certificate over his flying skills. The kind of the flight informs about the coming holy acts of the searcher.

5. The certificate over flying skills represents mastering over time and space and is free of cost.

6. The searcher must bring two searchers, who want to become saints too. After the order of two hundred litres holy mouthwash by the new searchers the sixth stage is accomplished.

7. The holyness is approaching quickly. After two successors are found, the beginning holy one will sell its entire possession and transfer the money to the master on one of his accounts in Switzerland. The master will bless him and will dismiss him from the human society. All the same what happens, the searcher may never return, if he does not want to endanger his pending holyness, nor may he contact the master. It is recommended to swim into the open Atlantic until the ability to go over water will emanate.

Job advertisement. The master searches a young employee, who fill water in bottles, bleach German Federal Armed Forces underwear and paint Nivea-boxes for the glory of the master and board and lodging. Pretty girls are preferred.

1 comment:

Liara Covert said...

When actress Kristen Scott Thomas was growing up, she siad, "I wanted to be a saint." Funny how personal ambitions shift based on our perception of the particular role and our own view and expectations.